I N S I G H T | 4 mins. read
Try these 5 conflict management tips when facilitating a challenging meeting
By Precious Ile, MA, PMP, CEC, CP3 | Co-Founder and Principal, Impact Plus Consulting
Stakeholder Engagement, Leading with Influence, Workshop Facilitation, Conflict Resolution
For leaders, managers, facilitators, business owners or entrepreneurs, etc.
You're facilitating an important Zoom session related to a topic or issue that matters to your organization. One participant is dominating the conversation and their comments and actions are side-tracking or hijacking your meeting. You sense the energy in the room changing quickly. Participants are becoming visibly uncomfortable. The meeting starts going sideways.
You have an important decision that needs to be made at the meeting. What do you do? Try these 5 tips for effective conflict resolution.
Tip 1: Be an authentic active listener.
It's hard not to take it personally when you are on the receiving end of rude remarks or comments that don't contribute to your goals.
Pause. Check your assumptions. Facilitating challenging conversations – any conversation at all - requires building understanding, authentic relationships, and trust. Focus on understanding first, not agreement.
Listen for what's being said or not said. Kindly remind the participant who appears to be derailing the session about the purpose of the meeting.
Enlist them as a co-creator to solve the challenge. Invite them to help make the direct connection between the problem or comment and potential solution. You might uncover new insights on what really matters to them and how it might help the group achieve the end result.
Tip 2: Revisit ground rules or guidelines for participation.
Revisit your group agreements or guidelines for participation. Respectfully ask the speaker to pause. Share your Zoom screen to display the group agreements or repost them in the Zoom chat.
Address the participant and the whole group by acknowledging that these guidelines are not being met and reaffirming the importance of respecting the guidelines.
"Clear is kind", as Brene Brown says. Be transparent with the "meeting guidelines or boundaries" that guide how participants will engage. Use the guidelines to promote psychological safety and understanding within the group.
It is best practice to attach these guidelines to the meeting agenda before the meeting so that the group is familiar with the expected behaviour and group norms. Revisit the guidelines, not only at the start of the session, but before transitioning to a new topic or segment of the meeting.
Tip 3: Ask for support.
Share the responsibility for preserving a safe-brave space with the group. Invite participants to nudge their peers to model the values you desire through their comments or actions. However, not all participants may feel comfortable speaking up in challenging situations.
If a participant contributes as an active bystander, acknowledge and appreciate their efforts, so that they feel supported. Accepting help is a sign of strength, not a weakness. As a leader or facilitator, you co-create a supportive environment by accepting help.
Tip 4: Avoid the blame game. Seek behaviour change.
Labelling someone as difficult or challenging is often the easy way out. Yet, it's not so much the individual that is problematic, but the unruly behaviour that is challenging. So, seek a change in behaviour, rather than labelling the individual.
To encourage a positive change in behaviour, start by being specific about what behaviour is not acceptable, sharing why it isn't, and clearly describing its impact on the group.
Frame your request as a question, not a command. Invite the participant to take ownership in what a productive behaviour might look like going forward. For example, I invite you to consider... versus "stop speaking..."Use the assertive "I noticed..." language versus the aggressive "you did this…" language. Starting with "you" fuels defensive reactions from the participant.
It's not just what you do; it's how you handle it that matters.
Tip 5: Adapt your approach depending on the context.
There is no one "right" way to deal with challenging conversations. What works in one context may not work in another. Adapt to what matters most to the group at the moment to help achieve a shared objective.
If all fails, your last resort might be to ask the participant to leave the meeting. Communicate your ask with respect for the participant. Mention that you will follow up to check in with them and follow through on your promise. Following up is a great opportunity to continue to build understanding and restore relationships.
Being people-centred when facilitating challenging meetings is hard work. However, don't take on more than you are prepared to manage. Prioritize your well-being. That's being people-centred.
In summary:
Be an authentic active listener.
Revisit ground rules or guidelines for participation.
Ask for support.
Avoid the blame game. Seek behaviour change.
Adapt your approach depending on the context.